When I first got married, one of my close friends asked me if there was a moment I could point to when the reality of being married really set in. What was the answer, you ask? “When I realized that I cannot open a single jar or bottle in the entire apartment without help!”
And at that point, that was the number one thing I had noticed. It’s no wonder women always have to ask their husbands to open things, it’s because THEY close them to the point that it is impossible for any woman to get the dang thing open!
And, while that is still a true statement for me in our marriage (seriously, can’t open anything without help), I would say that there have been a few other things that marriage points out that I did not notice as a single woman.
Definitely Not a Servant
First off, marriage has shown me that I am most certainly in my heart of hearts NOT a servant. I have an internal battle every time the dishes/laundry/any cleaning needs to get done and Rand needs to work or study. It’s a constant struggle in my head and heart between things that need to get done verses watching TV or doing some mind numbing activity or ANYTHING ELSE that I would much prefer to doing said activities (ask my parents, they’ll tell you how much I enjoy cleaning). Nope, don’t have a servant’s heart. Not one bit. God graciously works on me in those moments and, while I still struggle, I have come to at least sort of enjoy serving my husband by cleaning or doing some chore or errand.
To forgive or not forgive? (Actually the second isn’t really an option)
I’ve also noticed how easy it is for me to hold a grudge and how necessary it is in marriage to forgive. On more than one occasion, after my delicate feelings are hurt, Rand will apologize and my first thought is, “Well, you have two options. Stay bitter and make both of you miserable, or forgive him and move on.” How much easier would it be to hold that grudge? Um… like 1000x easier and in my wicked flesh it is the preferred option. Make him pay, duh! That is what I think. Thank God He has saved me from my sin and points me to Jesus’ forgiveness of MY sin. Which is far more egregious than anything Rand has ever said to me.
Boy, do I need Jesus
And finally, while this is by no means an exhaustive list, I’ve learned that I desperately need daily time with Jesus. I had always heard people say they notice a big difference in their attitude on the days they spend even 30 minutes with Jesus. I guess I believed them. But I never put much thought into it. But now, I notice. One particular weekend comes to mind (which was ironically Thanksgiving weekend)… Each day I woke up and went about my business, not spending time with the Lord. I was extra sensitive and very snappy with my husband, in front of people (in case you didn’t know, and are getting ready to get married or are married, that is a big no-no, don’t do it, seriously, it is not okay). At the end of the weekend that I realized that a huge reason I was having trouble respecting my husband was that I hadn’t started my day by submitting my heart to Jesus. And it really makes all the difference.
Well, there you have it. Just a few revelations from a sorta newlywed. What about you? What was your revelation moment? Any suggestions as to how to overcome these issues?? I’m all ears!